So, I found some great friends.  We spent almost a year together.  Taking our kids to see shows, birthday parties, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, lunches out.  It was great.  We had so much fun together.

And then, just like that, it began to fall apart.  I do not wish to dwell on the details of what happened, with the exception that I am hurt.  On so many different levels, and by more than one friend.  I don't know who to believe, or who to turn to.  Turning to one betrays the other.  I am hopelessly stuck in the middle.

I am certainly not innocent, but I am reaching out.  Trying to right my wrongs.  Unfortunately, I continue to feel the hurt.  I am trying to work on myself.  On becoming the person I want to be.  But it is hard.  I am trying to be supportive and a friend to both of these friends, but each one feels I am betraying them when I do this.

I guess I don't know where to go from here.  Feeling left out and abandoned.  Weird, I know, but I feel somewhat used.  Not happy about that, but not totally sure how to deal with it either.

Again, I have no "girl" friends to turn to to get these feelings out.  They all seem to be involved one way or the other.  I can't trust that they won't go running and spilling what I have said.  Not that I want to say hurtful things.  I just want someone to listen to my side, I guess.  Just need to vent, I guess.  I desperately want the truth in everything.  And I know no one will fess up to what that actually is.

I find myself slowly slipping into a depression over this.  I want to crawl into my bed and stay there.  Part of me says I need to distance myself from everyone and concentrate on me.  Do what makes me happy, take care of myself for awhile.  But the hurt is still there.  I want it to go away.